Feedback - Truth and Dare?
A perspective on giving and receiving feedback.
Feedback is arguably a powerful mechanism to improve our performance and those of others. Organisations of all shapes and sizes look to incorporate feedback into their culture by attempting to create environments that are psychologically safe, highlight it’s importance, provide training on feedback, enable various tools that help giving and receiving feedback, and reward a growth mindset that values feedback.
But as human beings, we are all unique, intelligent, excellent yet flawed in our own ways. Feedback is in essence telling people what (we) think of their performance and how they should do it better (in our view) - whether they’re creating a strategy, defining a product, solving a complex problem, giving a presentation or leading a team. At times, feedback evokes a ‘fight or flight’ response. And at other times, it results in a ‘listen and digest’ response. Conversations that involve feedback often leave us with a few scars or an illusion about how impactful it was.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw
It never is easy regardless of whether you are on the giving or the receiving end. I always feel it is more like a game of ‘Truth and Dare’! Here’s why, along with some of my perspectives on giving and receiving feedback.
Several organisations will stand by the importance that feedback has in driving both individual and team performance.
“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” Bill Gates
But feedback has been the subject of much research resulting in several different viewpoints and how-to guides.
Some say Feedback is a Fallacy
Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall authored an excellent article titled ‘The Feedback Fallacy’ in the Harvard Business Review.
They believe feedback does not help employees thrive.
Research shows that people can’t reliably rate the performance of others. More often than not, we reflect our own characteristics, not those of others.
Neuroscience reveals that criticism provokes the brain’s ‘fight or flight’ response and inhibits learning.
Excellence looks different for each individual. It’s also not the opposite of failure. Managers will never produce great performance by identifying what they think is failure and telling people how to correct it.
They go on to conclude that we grow most when people focus on our strengths. Learning rests on our grasp of what we’re doing well, not what we’re doing poorly, and certainly not on someone else’s sense of what we’re doing poorly.
“There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.” Mary Kay Ash
Some see Feedback as a Management Philosophy
Radical Candor is a management philosophy from Kim Scott, co-founder of Candor, Inc. Radical Candor focuses on delivering tough feedback. The Radical Candor Framework includes four behaviours that everyone falls into at one time or another.
Obnoxious Aggression, also called brutal honesty or front stabbing, is praise that doesn’t feel sincere or criticism and feedback that isn’t delivered kindly.
Ruinous Empathy is what happens when you want to spare someone’s short-term feelings, so you don’t tell them something they need to know. It’s praise that isn’t specific enough to help the person understand what was good, or criticism that is sugar-coated and unclear.
Manipulative Insincerity - backstabbing, political or passive-aggressive behaviour, is praise that is insincere, flattery to a person’s face and harsh criticism behind their back.
Radical Candor™ on the other hand is caring personally while challenging directly.
At its core, Radical Candor is guidance and feedback that’s both kind and clear, specific and sincere.
“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Ken Blanchard
I see Feedback as a Game of Truth and Dare
Personally, I have had my fair share of successes and failures when it comes to both giving and receiving feedback.
Some take feedback well, some don’t. Some listen with intent, others get defensive. Some process as they receive feedback, others will appear defensive but need to take it away. Trust and camaraderie has a lot to do with it.
The channel or delivery method used for feedback can also make a difference occasionally but is not fundamental to giving or receiving feedback - written/verbal, in-person/virtual or video/audio, they can all work!
Giving or seeking feedback is a risk and takes a level of courage. It is about highlighting the truth, albeit from one of many perspectives, but requires one to be willing to take the risk, to dare.
I am still far from perfecting the not so subtle art of giving and receiving feedback. But here’s what I’ve learnt so far.
Who
Feedback is always more likely to be correct and useful when it’s from or to a peer so never miss out on an opportunity to give or seek feedback.
Feedback from or to a leader or manager can be extremely powerful but only if it is delivered through Radical Candor and received well which must be rooted on trust.
What
Focus on outcomes and what led to it so it can be recognised, learned, sharpened and repeated time and time again.
When
Feedback is best when it’s in the moment or right after but it is important to pick the right time.
Where
Quality feedback does not happen only in person.
Why
Because (and only if) you care, for your own development and that of others you work and interact with.
How
Always position and see feedback as a perspective from a viewpoint since excellence is overrated, relative, distinct and unique to each individual.
Do not use the “sandwich approach” of giving negative feedback between two pieces of positive feedback. Instead be direct and transparent.
Listen when you are receiving feedback and when you are giving feedback.
Make / ask for feedback to be personalised, intentional and actionable.
Most of us are incredibly reluctant to say anything negative, and it takes some serious effort to say or hear the truth - the good, the bad, and the ugly. But if done right, the outcomes are invaluable.
“Make feedback normal. Not a performance review.” Ed Batista